The Daily Sussybara

BY SKIBIDI GAMER

A man named Alibaba was taking a walk in a bamboo forest. He observed that one panda was behaving very weirdly, and he decided to follow it back. Soon he was deep in the forest and did not know his way back. He turned back, only to die of shock.

The panda was eating bamboo with its gyat! When it was born, its head looked like a gyat, so it confused its own head with its gyat. The panda never knew it was eating from the wrong way round so it always did.

Poor Alibaba died of a heart attack and the panda almost did too. The man was found in the bushes, dead. The people found the panda and managed to capture it. They put it in a enclosed room with bamboo and waited. Soon, it started to “munch” on the bamboo. You know, with its GYAT!!! It was so shocking that the people that witnessed it suffered from brain damage, heart palpitations and the occasional heart attack.

When the news came out, it shocked the entire world. People stopped playing Minecraft just to see the news!!! (And by the way, Minecraft is like really, really addictive, you start, you cant stop!!) But people were so shocked that they brushed it away! This news was so cursed, a person said: “It was so scary I weed my bed!!” A second person said: “I weed my bed as it was so scary!!” Another guy said: “HEEEEEELP!! IT IS SO SCARY I HAVE NIGHTMARES AND I CRIED FOR MY MOMMY AND I ALSO WEED THE BED!!!”

So as you can see, the panda was so disturbing and SCARY, it made people lose their minds. A guy stabbed himself 23 times when he read the paper to make sure he wasn’t asleep and dreaming. He was very much alive, but not for very long he was.

They researched the panda and found that it belonged to a new species of panda, gyatticus bambooicus. It was the last of its kind, as the remaining pandas had been wiped out during the meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

As for poor Alibaba, he was cremated and buried on 23 January, 2026 at 10.am sharp. So in conclusion, if you see a weird looking panda, get your tushy out of there, because they released it back into the wild.